Thursday, October 16, 2008

Balancing Life

For the most part I don't have a problem handling part-time work. I've been at my company for 5 years now and they treat me very well, and I am VERY grateful that I only need to be in the office in the mornings.

However.

Some days I really don't want to go to work, but that's not much different from life pre-kiddo. Then there are the mornings where he wakes up and just wants to held because he's not feeling the best. But I still have to sit there and wrestle his clothes on because I'm already late, and it is so hard to listen to his sad cry.

I wasn't the mom who cried the first day of leaving her little boy at daycare because I was so grateful it was only 5 hours - not 9 - until I could pick him up. And it would make sense that it would get easier, right? I'm discovering that it's getting harder to drop him off.

Some of it may be due to teething and a cold, but this week has been especially hard. He just wants to cuddle in the morning, but he's been so tired and I have a hard time waking him up at 7, leaving me just enough time to feed him, dress him, and whisk him off to daycare. Then we get to daycare and he'll hold on to me when I try to pass him off to his teacher.

He doesn't cry when I leave and he happily moves on to his bananas and oatmeal or the toys.

But it was so much easier when he was less aware of my coming and going. Although it does feel good to see him get so excited each day when I go to pick him up.

I would rather stay home. I only work 5 hours, but I spend 1 1/2 hours running around the house in the morning trying to get everyone ready, and then when I get home it's about another 1 1/2 hours to get the kid and I fed, him down for a nap, and a few minutes to take a breath. And then I start running around to get as much done during his nap as I can.

I get a lot more done than I would if I worked afternoons, too. But I get up an hour later on Saturdays and still can usually accomplish more in the first two hours with the boy awake than I do during a weekday afternoon nap.

I know staying home would not be the "ideal" life I probably have in my head and I know there would be hard days, but I think it would be less stressful. No rushing at work to get everything done in about half the time I used to have. No more rushing to get the house clean, laundry done, supper prepped, and miscellaneous projects done during a short afternoon nap. No more restless "relaxing" with the hubby while thinking of all I need to get ready before leaving for work the next day.

Maybe someday.

1 comment:

d said...

:( I'll be praying for you and your darling little boy.